Article 1
Most parents have heard that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" and it's especially true with self-esteem in children. All children need love and appreciation and thrive on positive attention. Yet, how often do parents forget to use words of encouragement such as, "that's right," "wonderful," or "good job"? No matter the age of children or adolescents, good parent-child communication is essential for raising children with self-esteem and confidence.
Self-esteem is an indicator of good mental health. It is how we feel about ourselves. Poor self-esteem is nothing to be blamed for, ashamed of, or embarrassed about. Some self-doubt, particularly during adolescence, is normal--even healthy-but poor self--esteem should not be ignored. In some instances, it can be a symptom of a mental health disorder or emotional disturbance.
Parents can play important roles in helping their children feel better about themselves and developing greater confidence. Doing this is important because children with good self-esteem:
Words and actions have great impact on the confidence of children, and children, including adolescents, remember the positive statements parents and caregivers say to them. Phrases such as "I like the way you..." or "You are improving at..." or "I appreciate the way you..." should be used on a daily basis. Parents also can smile, nod, wink, pat on the back, or hug a child to show attention and appreciation.
Be generous with praise. Parents must develop the habit of looking for situations in which children are doing good jobs, displaying talents, or demonstrating positive character traits. Remember to praise children for jobs well done and for effort.
Teach positive self-statements. It is important for parents to redirect children's inaccurate or negative beliefs about themselves and to teach them how to think in positive ways. Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. Blame and negative judgments are at the core of poor self-esteem and can lead to emotional disorders.
Teach children about decision making and to recognize when they have made good decisions. Let them "own" their problems. If they solve them, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they'll remain dependent on you. Take the time to answer questions. Help children think of alternative options.
Show children that you can laugh at yourself. Show them that life doesn't need to be serious all the time and that some teasing is all in fun. Your sense of humor is important for their well-being.
© 2001-2007 National Mental Health Information Center SAMHSA's. All Rights Reserved
Article 2
Most parents want their young children to have a healthy sense of self-esteem. That desire can also be seen in education--schools around the country include self-esteem among their goals. Many observers believe that low self-esteem lies at the bottom of many of society's problems.
Even though self-esteem has been studied for more than 100 years, specialists and educators continue to debate its precise nature and development. Nevertheless, they generally agree that parents and other adults who are important to children play a major role in laying a solid foundation for a child's development.
When parents and teachers of young children talk about the need for good self-esteem, they usually mean that children should have "good feelings" about themselves. With young children, self-esteem refers to the extent to which they expect to be accepted and valued by the adults and peers who are important to them.
Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem feel that the important adults in their lives accept them, care about them, and would go out of their way to ensure that they are safe and well. They feel that those adults would be upset if anything happened to them and would miss them if they were separated. Children with low self-esteem, on the other hand, feel that the important adults and peers in their lives do not accept them, do not care about them very much, and would not go out of their way to ensure their safety and well-being.
During their early years, young children's self-esteem is based largely on their perceptions of how the important adults in their lives judge them. The extent to which children believe they have the characteristics valued by the important adults and peers in their lives figures greatly in the development of self-esteem. For example, in families and communities that value athletic ability highly, children who excel in athletics are likely to have a high level of self-esteem, whereas children who are less athletic or who are criticized as being physically inept or clumsy are likely to suffer from low self-esteem.
Families, communities, and ethnic and cultural groups vary in the criteria on which self-esteem is based. For example, some groups may emphasize physical appearance, and some may evaluate boys and girls differently. Stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination are also factors that may contribute to low self-esteem among children.
The foundations of self-esteem are laid early in life when infants develop attachments with the adults who are responsible for them. When adults readily respond to their cries and smiles, babies learn to feel loved and valued. Children come to feel loved and accepted by being loved and accepted by people they look up to. As young children learn to trust their parents and others who care for them to satisfy their basic needs, they gradually feel wanted, valued, and loved.
Self-esteem is also related to children's feelings of belonging to a group and being able to adequately function in their group. When toddlers become preschoolers, for example, they are expected to control their impulses and adopt the rules of the family and community in which they are growing. Successfully adjusting to these groups helps to strengthen feelings of belonging to them.
One point to make is that young children are unlikely to have their self-esteem strengthened from excessive praise or flattery. On the contrary, it may raise some doubts in children; many children can see through flattery and may even dismiss an adult who heaps on praise as a poor source of support--one who is not very believable.
The following points may be helpful in strengthening and supporting a healthy sense of self-esteem in your child:
As they grow, children become increasingly sensitive to the evaluations of their peers. You and your child's teachers can help your child learn to build healthy relationships with his or her peers.
When children develop stronger ties with their peers in school or around the neighborhood, they may begin to evaluate themselves differently from the way they were taught at home. You can help your child by being clear about your own values and keeping the lines of communication open about experiences outside the home.
Children do not acquire self-esteem at once nor do they always feel good about themselves in every situation. A child may feel self-confident and accepted at home but not around the neighborhood or in a preschool class. Furthermore, as children interact with their peers or learn to function in school or some other place, they may feel accepted and liked one moment and feel different the next. You can help in these instances by reassuring your child that you support and accept him or her even while others do not.
A child's sense of self-worth is more likely to deepen when adults respond to the child's interests and efforts with appreciation rather than just praise. For example, if your child shows interest in something you are doing, you might include the child in the activity. Or if the child shows interest in an animal in the garden, you might help the child find more information about it. In this way, you respond positively to your child's interest by treating it seriously. Flattery and praise, on the contrary, distract children from the topics they are interested in. Children may develop a habit of showing interest in a topic just to receive flattery.
Young children are more likely to benefit from tasks and activities that offer a real challenge than from those that are merely frivolous or fun. For example, you can involve your child in chores around the house, such as preparing meals or caring for pets, that stretch his or her abilities and give your child a sense of accomplishment.
Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children are esteemed by the adults who are important to them. To esteem children means to treat them respectfully, ask their views and opinions, take their views and opinions seriously, and give them meaningful and realistic feedback.
You can help your child develop and maintain healthy self-esteem by helping him or her cope with defeats, rather than emphasizing constant successes and triumphs. During times of disappointment or crisis, your child's weakened self-esteem can be strengthened when you let the child know that your love and support remain unchanged. When the crisis has passed, you can help your child reflect on what went wrong. The next time a crisis occurs, your child can use the knowledge gained from overcoming past difficulties to help cope with a new crisis. A child's sense of self-worth and self-confidence is not likely to deepen when adults deny that life has its ups and downs.
article by - (The ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education)
]]>
by: Ana Cristina
Oprah talks about it, the yoga and meditation teachers talk about it, the massage therapist, now my trainer and my boss are talking about it.
What does it mean really to be present? My boss believes it is all about observations skills to have an edge on the competition.
Other people say it is about really listening to what the person in front of you is saying, instead of preparing a counter argument while that person is talking.
Most authors that teach the subject would agree that "Being present means to be aware of all your senses and your environment at all times. It is like having a constant dialog, back and forth, between your feelings and your senses and your logical and your creative mind". In other words: one is out of the head.
Whomever invented "being present" claims that is very relaxing, good for the health and promotes better communication between people , besides really sharpening one's mind.
Yesterday one of my students told me that she hated her present moment and her present life. She is fighting a debilitating and painful disease, lost her job and her husband is an alcoholic. She takes comfort on fantasies about the future. She dared me to convince her that "being present" is good for her.
Does anyone out there can help me with this task?
]]>What Is Bullying? Committee For Children
Article One:
Bullying Prevention in the Schools
An interview with Barbara Coloroso, author of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander
One of the positive outgrowths of recent school violence is a greater recognition of the problem of bullying in schools. As a result, many schools have begun to draft anti-bullying policies. The question on many educators' minds is exactly what steps to take to begin to address the problem.
Educational consultant and best-selling author Barbara Coloroso spends most of her time on the road addressing parents' and educators' concerns about discipline and the school environment. Her newest book, The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, was published by HarperCollins in 2003.
When asked for advice on how to deal with bullying, Coloroso often quotes an anonymous Holocaust survivor who said, "Pay attention, get involved, and never, ever look away." The lessons we must take from school tragedies over the past several years are the same. Pay attention--bullying occurs in all schools. Get involved--with the bully, the bullied, and the bystander; each has a role. And never look away--grown-ups tend to dismiss bullying, which according to Coloroso is a grave mistake.
To build a positive school climate, Coloroso recommends schools take the following seven steps.
Intervene with Discipline
Communicate clear discipline policies. Every student should know that unkind acts will result in immediate discipline. Create policies that give children who bully ownership of the problem and ways to solve it via restitution, resolution, and reconciliation. When dealing with children who bully, it is important to leave their dignity intact.
Create Opportunities for Students to "Do Good"
Promote activities that encourage students to extend themselves to others. Get children who bully involved in serving as crossing guards or reading to a group of younger students. To foster "do good" habits, leave sponges at the end of lunch tables to encourage children to clean up their area for the next person.
Nurture Empathy
Help children see the perspectives of others. Study historical events where people have stood up for values and against injustices. Read "Jack and the Beanstalk" and ask students to take an unconventional point of view--the Giant's. Lead them in some role-playing with questions like "How would you feel if somebody kept taking your belongings?"
Teach Friendship Skills
There are three antidotes to bullying: a strong sense of self, being a good friend, and having friends. Many who bully or are bullied lack friendship skills. Educators, parents, and other leaders can help break the bullying cycle by both teaching and modeling skills about how to be a friend and make friends.
Monitor Children's Exposure to Media
Schools can help raise parents' awareness of the importance of monitoring their children's exposure to violence through television, music, video games, and so on. Schools can also teach children to be media-wise and to discern between fact and fiction.
Engage Children in Constructive Activities
Provide cooperative, challenging games that promote civility while reducing the number of competitive activities that reinforce social cliques. For example, when a child scores for her team in a volleyball game, send her over to help the other side. Give children positive outlets for their energy. Have them "attack" a climbing wall and feel good about the challenge.
Teach Ways to "Will Good"
In the book Integrity, Stephen Carter defines "willing good" as "speaking and doing what is right even when the burden is heavy." Sticking up for a peer means taking a risk, and children must be inspired to do so. Reading stories such as "Number the Stars" by Lois Lowry can help children understand what it means to "will good."
These seven steps help schools build a framework to provide alternatives and support to the bully, the bullied, and the bystander. Bullying prevention programs can be very useful as well, but Coloroso cautions against programs that focus on conflict resolution. "Bullying should not be dealt with as a conflict," Coloroso maintains. "It's not [conflict], it's a person having contempt, a basic disregard for the other person as a human being."
Empathy and Perspective-Taking
Since those who bully tend to have poor perspective-taking skills, developing their sense of empathy is critical to turning bullying around. "Empathy is the core virtue. [In some children] it may be covered by a lot of garbage, but it's there," Coloroso says.
Empathy and perspective taking help children do what Coloroso refers to as "meeting another human being as a human," a skill that prevention programs can help foster. Taking the time to research programs and their various components is important. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all quick fix.
Coloroso favors programs that, like Committee for Children's STEPS TO RESPECT: A Bullying Prevention Program, work on four levels: the individual, relationships, schoolwide implementation, and integration into the curriculum.
School as a Safe Harbor
Teachers often shrink back from the idea of adding one more curriculum to their list of initiatives, but according to Coloroso, the STEPS TO RESPECT program helps support some of the critical needs that schools already face: "We have to relate to one another--let's do it consciously. We have to read books--let's get kids reading conscience-raising books [that deal with] getting along with others and problem solving."
Today more than ever, educators, parents, and community members alike recognize the necessity of making school a safe harbor. Coloroso maintains that by teaching children the skills they need to navigate social interactions successfully, educators can help bring children up to "do good" and to make positive contributions to the school culture. "[It's] good if they get this from elsewhere," Coloroso says, "but it must happen in school."
Article: 2
by Committee For Children(Lisa Walls)
Keep Bullying off the Bus by Empowering Kids
One adult preoccupied by traffic, 20 kids--or more--bursting with energy. Most school buses are rife with the kinds of conditions that foment bullying. According to Committee for Children researcher Miriam Hirschstein, Ph.D., "Bullying incidents often intensify where there's less supervision--areas like bathrooms, hallways, lunchrooms, and on buses."
Bullying on the Bus
With around 24 million children riding school buses daily in the US, the problem of bullying on board has experts alarmed and scrambling for solutions. Even more so than ending bullying on campus, the effort to end it on the bus contains myriad complications. For starters, schools are reluctant to enlarge the boundary of their liability for student behavior. Also, multiple schools may transport children on the same buses, meaning several administrations need to come together. Overwhelmed bus drivers, some now already dealing with video cameras, legitimately fear yet another responsibility.
Video Is Not Enough
Joel Haber, a psychologist in New York State, is an expert on violence prevention. He has been quoted as saying that children need to feel safe on buses and everywhere else. Video cameras are easy for kids to outwit, Haber states, advocating for the use of adult monitors who can document and report the behavior.
Underestimating the Damage
Finally, many adults still fail to grasp the extent of damage bullying can cause. Research shows that in general, adults are poorly informed about bullying, and they tend to grossly underestimate the frequency of these events and their impact on students, says Hirschstein. "Most teachers agree that a child who arrives for school humiliated or injured isn't ready to take on challenging academic pursuits."
Whole-School Approaches That Work
The key to assuaging bus bullying isn't philosophically different from ending harassment elsewhere, Hirschstein says. "Those of us who work in the field of bullying prevention are convinced the whole school culture has to be involved, and the onus cannot just be on the victims to report unfair behavior. The group nature of bullying adds to the capacity for cruelty."
The Hermitage School District in Western Pennsylvania took bullying on the school bus to heart last year with a communitywide campaign. Parents, educators, and business leaders all pitched in to create posters, awards, and a heightened sense of concern about the dangers posed by bullying on buses.
Other regions have adopted similar tactics, including pledge cards: Kids agree to refrain from harming each other. Another district established a series of "Best Driver" awards. That kind of recognition creates a bond between the driver and the children, a connection often lacking in typical situations.
Such practices tap into the potential of bystanders to "turn the tide," according to Hirschstein. But the essential element here is that the adults involved are not only caring, but supported by training and procedures in how to intervene effectively. "Research shows that an intervention targeting staff training and children's attitudes and skills can increase students' sense of responsibility to stop bullying."
Article: 3
by: Committee For Children (Miriam Hirschstein, Ph.D.Research Scientist)
Why Don't Kids Report Bullying?
There is good evidence that young people often do not report bullying to adults. They are adept at hiding bullying-related behaviors and the unequal "shadow" power dynamics that can exist among children. Because of this secrecy, adults underestimate the seriousness and extent of bullying at their schools.
Schools cannot help if children do not entrust them with information. So why don't children report bullying?
Research Shows That Adults Rarely Intervene
This creates a catch-22: Students don't tell because they don't see adults helping, but adults can't help if students don't tell them what is going on in their peer groups.
The perception that adults don't act may lead students to conclude that adults don't care, or that there are different standards for adults' behavior than for young people's. In the workplace, shoving co-workers in the hallway would not be tolerated. Yet many adults believe that young people need to "work out" bullying problems like these on their own. This belief may promote a "code of silence" about abusive behavior. A logical consequence would be the failure of students to report other dangers, such as knowledge about a weapon at school.
Students Fear Retaliation and a Reputation as a "Rat"
This might be especially true about reporting popular students who bully. There is evidence that well-liked and successful children can be the most skilled at bullying and at escaping detection.
They Don't Want to Lose Power
Students may not report that they or their friends bully because they don't want to lose the power they gain through controlling others.
They Don't Recognize Subtle Bullying
Students may not report more subtle, indirect, and relational types of bullying (such as deliberately excluding peers or spreading rumors) because they don't realize that these are also unfair, unequal ways to treat others.
They Feel Ashamed, Afraid, or Powerless
Students may not report being victims of bullying because it makes them feel shamed, afraid, and powerless. Over time, they may come to feel they deserve it. This may be particularly true of children in fourth grade and up.
Because adults rarely intervene, young people may come to believe they can bully without any consequences. Many believe that "acting bad" pays off. In fact, it may win them status with others, as children do act more friendly and respectful toward those who bully.
What Can Adults Do?
If we want children to talk to us and ask for help, we need to invite them to report. And effective adult follow-through is critical. This means "walking the talk" of bullying prevention, and addressing the power imbalances that put children who bully, those who are bullied, and bystanders at risk of perpetuating abuse. Bringing children who bully and those they bully into the same room to talk is not advisable. Intervening, making plans for behavior change, and continuing to check in on an individual basis with the students involved is best.
Adults can also give young people tools to help them evaluate when and how to report. Teaching about the distinction between reporting (telling to keep someone safe) and tattling (telling to get someone in trouble), for example, can help them make responsible decisions. This, in turn, can empower everyone in schools to help prevent inequity and suffering.
Article 4 (by National Awareness Of Bullying Committee)
What Parents Should Know About Bullying
What Is Bullying?
Bullying includes behaviors such as hitting, teasing, taunting, spreading rumors and gossip, stealing, or excluding someone from a group. Bullying actions are carried out on purpose with the intent to harm someone.
Bullying is usually a repeated activity. However, it may also occur as a one-time event. It always involves a power imbalance. The person bullying has more power due to such factors as age, size, strength, support of friends, and access to resources such as toys.
Children and adults sometimes find it difficult to recognize bullying. For example, a fight between friends or rough play between children with equal power are not bullying situations. They become bullying, however, when one person has more power and uses it to hurt, frighten, or exclude the other person.
Who Bullies?
People sometimes assume that only boys bully, but that is not true. Girls also bully others. Boys tend to use methods such as hitting, fighting, and threatening. These face-to-face behaviors are easy to observe.
Girls do bully using physical and verbal attacks, but they often use behind-the-back methods that are harder to see. These more subtle behaviors include getting peers to exclude others and spreading rumors and gossip. It's important to remember, though, that girls and boys use both face-to-face and behind-the-back methods.
What Are the Consequences of Bullying?
Bullying jeopardizes children's safety and potentially creates both short- and long-term problems for all children involved.
Children who are bullied are more likely to develop future academic problems and psychological difficulties. Serious problems such as depression and low self-esteem can result, and they can continue into adulthood.
Children who bully and continue this behavior as adults have greater difficulty developing and maintaining positive relationships. Research shows that without effective intervention, children who regularly bully others may grow up to become perpetrators of domestic violence, child abuse, hate crimes, sexual abuse, and other illegal behavior. In fact, children with bullying problems at age 8 are six times more likely to be convicted of a crime by age 24 than children who do not bully.
How Many Children Does Bullying Really Affect?
Bullying affects virtually all children. Although it is true that some children will never be bullied, research shows that children witness 85 percent of school bullying incidents. Child witnesses, or bystanders, may feel powerless to stop bullying. They may fear being bullied next. And they may feel sad or guilty about the abuse others experience. Additionally, bystanders may see those who bully succeed at getting what they want. This may tempt bystanders to take part themselves.
Isn't Bullying Just a Normal Part of Growing Up?
The many myths about bullying include the notion that bullying is a harmless childhood activity and a normal part of growing up. Confusion about the difference between conflict and bullying can fuel this myth. Although occasional peer conflict is inevitable, bullying is not inevitable. In a conflict, both sides have equal power to resolve the problem. But bullying involves the intentional, one-sided use of power to control another. Its harmful consequences can affect people seriously for the rest of their lives.
What Can You Tell Me About Bullying Between Siblings?
Some degree of conflict among siblings is to be expected. In some situations, however, sibling rivalry can develop into bullying as children jockey for power.
Given the normal amount of teasing and bickering in any family, it can be difficult for parents to know where to draw the line. Ideally, we want our children to learn to work out disagreements among themselves. But when is adult intervention necessary?
Here's a good rule of thumb: Behavior that would be unacceptable between two unrelated children is unacceptable between two siblings. When one child intentionally and consistently hurts or frightens a smaller or less powerful sibling, that's bullying--and it needs to stop. Like all forms of bullying, bullying among siblings can have long-term effects. It can damage self-esteem and set the pattern for abusive relationships in the future.
]]>